Noobs? But why?

[Ive decided to create a new post tag. Its going to be called 'parapost.' These happen when i find a post on the internet that is so mind-wrenchingly stupid that i barely need to change a few words (for the sake of plagiarism) and the rest mocks itself.

I resent the source of today's parapost, and apologise profusely, because 1. it's pissing me off that i've ended up writing about WoW more than usual lately, and 2. I only subscribed to wow.com so i can laugh at the horrendously socially defective people who write it. Still, here it is, and i urge you to read the original too so that you know i'm not joking.]


by Lou Zerr, Nov 8th 2009 at 2:00PM

Here's a perplexing thought. We've already talked about how blizzard is revamping the newbie experience, but we want to know: For whom? I mean everyone I know started playing since launch day and is level 80 now. Sure, when I occasionally take breaks from my 24/7 raiding for this week's latest top-rated gear, I have spotted the odd sub-level79 newbie pipsqueek running about the place. But these are only bored level 80 players replaying the whole game on another character, right? And they have already played the game and naturally won't want it changed, so why update it?

It's an interesting question. Neth, a blizzard moderator, answers pretty tamely, saying that new players are one of those things you get in games, and apparently they like to have fun, too. It's almost like Blizzard is actually anticipating some of these inexperienced newbie types to join the game.. could this be as ridiculous as it sounds?

If so (and lets face it, when a game is 5 years old, why would anyone think about revamping it?) where could these people possibly come from? Are they actually thinking of selling Catacylsm to new players as well or something? I mean obviously catacylsm will bring people back to the game, but I'd assume that most regular gamers have already played WoW and/or another game at some point. [huh? ed.]

Since Wow only normally recieves an average of 2 million new players a year, something must be afoot or else blizzard wouldn't be expecting anymore newbies like, at all. But what? The WoW movie is mentioned by a few players, and that's certainly a possibility [Are you joking? ed.]. The Battle.net system might also help Starcraft II players find out about World of Warcraft. These are the only two sources i can think of, and even when combined they probably won't bring enough players for blizzard to justify making work for their ridiculously overfunded company.

Unless Blizzard has something else up their sleeve -- something like WoW going free-to-play or giving us extra bonuses for selling off more friends' souls. Maybe that would explain why they're making leveling easier. [um rather than because adding more content makes top level harder to reach? ed.] Whatever it is, Blizzard definitely thinks the newbie hordes are coming. As with so much of this game, we'll have to wait and see. [You're a retard. ed.]