More world solutions brought to you by baby nose technology

Guys, sorry there was no Christmas post.. There would've been, honest, but i was kinda feasting and gift trading and such. Anyway, in other news:


Do you ever find yourself ill, sitting on your bed/ sofa/ wherever trying to sleep with a solidly blocked nose and sore throat, thinking to yourself:


THAT THING! That thing there in his face! That's what i fucking need!

Well, i totally agree. Someone somewhere (probably me) needs to start packaging these and selling them to the general public. Breathing is important all year round, even when you have a cold, so we really need to start getting this kind of technology out there to the people.
Just think of it, insert a tube in your nose, probably have to use some cleanser or something (ok i admit i don't know anything about the procedure whatsoever) and then you can sleep.. AND breathe AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME!!!!

In case it hasn't been sold well enough to you yet, lets go over some further advantages:

• you will be able to sleep, meaning you can recover faster
• you will feel less like shit the next day because you got some sleep
• you will not have to blow your noise every 2 minutes to stay alive
• you will consequently use up less boxes of tissues
• your throat will not become more sore and painful because of all that breathing you've had to do
• you will not have to get up every 30 mins to drink a gallon of water because your throat is so dry
• you will be able to swallow water (and take pills) without fear of drowning yourself because you can now breathe
  
• your life will inherently be a lot better in a great many ways

And everything, generally, will just be awesome because of the tubes.

I swear, i'm gonna be a millionaire with this shit!

Thoughts from the Darkest Day

The winter is my favourite time of year. Today, the darkest day, is one of my favourite days. The other is in 4 days time and the other other is in 10 days time.


As per fortnightly monday, i went to see my business advisor, Andi. I was told to do some canvassing (visiting places to advertise my business to them) last week, and i did go out and talk to a handful of people, but not very many and i didn't get any work. Still, i did go and chat to the printers, and i did update my website, and i did get myself a photographer, but still, no money was made, so disappointment.

So Andi recommended i have another go and keep trying. Then i had to ask.. is it worth calling Anyone over the christmas period? "Well, you may as well take a week off." Andi explained. The main events, christmas and new year fall in midweek this year, so there will barely be any proper working days for the next fortnight. I'm pretty much shut off from doing any canvassing even if i wanted to.

On my way back (remember, this is mid day) i pass the construction site above. Usually busy and noisey, the only movement i could see was the crane swinging above and a beeping tone from an alarm somewhere deep within. I figure little is going to happen here for the next fortnight. I remember back at the OS, everything would shut down for the full two weeks. The eerie silence is like a foretelling of what is about to happen: The country is going into its annual hibernation for the darkest days of the year before waking up in the next decade, which will start with twenty-ten, people!

Still, this is a positive thing. What do you make of it all, Spider?


Agreed.

Steampunk adventures

Right now, in the fair city of oxford, one can find the most delightful history of science museum. And deep, nestled within its historical sciencey bosom lies the extraordinary exhibition of:


When i mentioned this exhbition to my dad, i was faced with the dilemna of having to explain what steampunk is. The concept is essntially modern victorian technology, and you've no doubt seen it in film, games, comics and the like. Imagine if technology had continued with its great advances but stayed in gorgeous mahogany cases, elaborate metal work, and wired with excessive piping with exposed valves and gears.

It actually took us a while to find. As you'd expect from two people who've worked at the ordnance survey, we misread the first tourist map, couldn't find anything on the second map and weren't sure where we were on the third map. Regardless, we stumbled on it eventually.


The exhibition wasn't massive, but high in quality. Here's my top picks. If you like these, i may post more as there is lots more. Please, please click and see them at their original size cos i made them all lovely and high res, just for you guys.

Firemans leather mask:


Fetishistic mask #2



'The steampunk man' was a lot of people's favourite by the seems:


A rearing spider. It has cogs in it and everything *shivers*



My second favourite (or possibly my favourite?) piece. What is it? a mechanical womb, complete with countdown timer.



These are actual working machines. they have candles inside that power the machines with hot air. There were several there but they weren't working. The artist has f***ing loads, but i thought this was the cutest.


This guy is straight from studio ghibli.

I love this guy, he's just so indie!

A working webcam (yes that is really me):



This is my favourite: the barnstormer, of course. It is literally too awesome for cameras. It is so detailed, the camera cannot focus on anything, so the pictures are pretty bad. Hence, may i refer you to the artists website, where you can see his other insane projects, including the mighty church tank and gertrude von howitzerhen.
Nevertheless, i am happy to dedicate a whole 1% of my massive picture space to this masterpiece. If you could see it better, among many other things, you'd see:

• 4 different sizes of people
• a reindeer
• a man with a cock on his head
• tools stashed on the side of the ship, including a spade, pickaxe and a crucifix
• a small man standing on a medium gun, or a medium man standing on a large gun
• a hollow horse
• a giant soldier with mechanical arms who is actually part of a tank
• what kinda looks like a flame thrower at the front
  
• a man having lunch in a jet cone
• small people sitting on the steps under the drivers feet
  
• at least 2 upside down horses
• a figurehead with guns for eyes

Well thats all today folks. /sigh now i gotta think of a title :(

Do you know what day it is?

at 10 am yesterday, i was pretty sure i heard cat noises downstairs. Weird, because we don't have a cat, right? Well apparently, i was wrong.

My housemate has been banging on about getting a cat since she moved back in and realised i was a 'cat person'. Since the landlord is a pretty easy going fellow, he said he'd think about it. Eventually he took me out to lunch to ask me my thoughts. Frankly? I was both for and against the idea. On the one hand i've got all the time in the world for cats. On the other hand, i don't think you should be allowed to have one if you can't treat it properly. The house doesn't have a cat flap, so the cat can't go outside. The obvious solution is a litter tray, but like, that isn't the issue. There's more to cats than just eating and pooing. Cats were domesticated for a specialist purpose: To hang about the place killing things. Cats should be allowed to go outside and hunt animals in my opinion. Else it's not fair, why've you got one? It's like, cat's rights.

She said she would find an 'indoor' one (at this point the cat lover in me cringes.. it's like handbag dogs) but it seems she knew what she wanted, and the landlord eventually agreed. There's a cat sanctuary she visits and she found the one there. Her name is Pippin. or Pickle? I think? I think Amanda said Pippin but then her friend came over and im sure she said 'hi Pickle!' so, i dont quite know..

Last night Amanda went out so it was just me and Pipkin/ Pippa?, and the gorgeous variety of toys Amanda has bought for her, which i have to say i'm impressed by. Complete with a cat tent and furry scratchy decks- photos of these will follow, so be patient and check back later, cat-toy-fans.

Anyway i took the opportunity to take a few pictures of Pikka/ Pikkin?, enjoy.



a cat's day isn't complete without a ritual snake killing!


NNNNnnnngh! die snake!

Well, thats all from Pipple/ Picklekin/ Pipplekin? today. Perhaps more soon..

Is your room a bit of a mess?

Yes.


Actually, that isn't too bad, that's a good day. Anyway, images for 2 new, more interesting posts are gathering together as we speak.

The ignorant and offensive get their rocks off at christmas

Coming up to my favourite time of year, folks! sweet times. Or at least it was, until the "we're-much-better-than-you-because-YOU-celebrate-winter-for-all-the-wrong-reasons" brigade came to my attention.




Ok first let me cover my ass and say I've got nothing against the Christians who just wanna get their Christmas on. I don't see it as much different from people celebrating Diwali around bonfire night, or Passover near Easter. Actually, it's a bit like the time Easter fell on my birthday and I was all like, well I'll just celebrate them equally (but secretly more my birthday). People clamouring to celebrate at the same time of year is pretty much just one of those awkward, bumping into someone in a corridor and not sure which way to go around them moments.. embarrassing, but it happens.

What gets me is the whole "well obviously you guys are only celebrating the darkest days of winter because of us, the Christians, so stop celebrating it by any other name!! its about us, so do as we say!!" Or worse, and this is what really gets me, people who are like, "this is a christian nation!" WELL, deary, let me tell ya something.


Humans have been living in britain for over 30,000 years and have been observing the seasons, including winter, every one of those years. This country was only truly 'christian' for about 700 years max, and that was pretty recently. Lets just consider that timeline for a minute: It almost implies that humanity did not spontaneously spawn in this country at the announcement of jesus, and has, in fact, started moving on since everyone's getting over it now.

Furthermore, the formation of the United Kingdom, our current 'nation', took place in 1707- in the age of enlightenment- not in the christian dark ages. This country and its culture were never 'founded' on 'christian' values. This isn't America, not that there was even any unanimous agreement that America was ever truly founded on christian values anyway.

And finally, may I make the point that even jesus' homeland won't be celebrating his birthday, and they never have done. Is that because they're ignorant and offensive and don't care? Of course it isn't, you silly tossers. It's because they didn't let people redefine their culture.

I like to think this is all very much akin to roman britons of the 5th century, clinging to what dignity remained in their roman citizenship crying "why does nobody pray to jupiter anymore!! you worthless, uncivilised heathens! Without us and our superior culture you and your pathetic country will never amount to anything!!" But sadly I wasn't around to check that anyone actually said that.

No offense to Christians, of course (whips out "I'm agnostic, actually" card) you're more than welcome to celebrate the season how you want. I'm just not down with all this "We're a christian nation damnit, and you will sing about jesus!" gobshite, because 1) We aren't, and 2) I won't.

Star love

After comments on the last post i did a bit of research into pulsar planets, and found this little diagram detailing just another one of those real life abusive intersteller romances.


You know, innocent sun is all happy with its little pet jovian, then along comes dark and mysterious neutron star, seduces sun into an affair and dumps the previous partner. Everything looks happy for them.. but turns out neutron star just wants sun for its matter! And rapes sun for everything it has! It's a sad story and one we see too often. On the plus side, the jovian wasn't harmed, at least, it seems not.. perhaps jovians just keep all the pain inside. You never know with a jovian.

Interesting fact: PSR B1620-26 b, the jovian of the story, is the oldest known planet. It was born only a billion years after the universe was born. Crazy times.

UV wax + boredom =

Just a quick post to let you all know that incredibly, i'm still still alive, and what i've been upto this evening:

Today i rediscovered my UV body crayons, so naturally i tried to melt them onto myself. It actually turned out to be very un-viable, I could only scrape off and melt a bit of wax at a time, and i only had a hair dryer to melt it with. Also the wax cracked easily, as you can see in the last picture.. all gone. Hence i gave up after a while, so the colouring is only half complete :(

I will be sure to buy a candle at some point so i can melt them easier and make a better effort and a different design, so stay tuned. Anyway this is what it looks like, only, it was a trillion times cooler in real life because UV glowiness rocks, but this is as good as my camera does..








P.S. just to let you know, there are more posts in the bag, they just havent made it out my brain yet.