The ignorant and offensive get their rocks off at christmas

Coming up to my favourite time of year, folks! sweet times. Or at least it was, until the "we're-much-better-than-you-because-YOU-celebrate-winter-for-all-the-wrong-reasons" brigade came to my attention.




Ok first let me cover my ass and say I've got nothing against the Christians who just wanna get their Christmas on. I don't see it as much different from people celebrating Diwali around bonfire night, or Passover near Easter. Actually, it's a bit like the time Easter fell on my birthday and I was all like, well I'll just celebrate them equally (but secretly more my birthday). People clamouring to celebrate at the same time of year is pretty much just one of those awkward, bumping into someone in a corridor and not sure which way to go around them moments.. embarrassing, but it happens.

What gets me is the whole "well obviously you guys are only celebrating the darkest days of winter because of us, the Christians, so stop celebrating it by any other name!! its about us, so do as we say!!" Or worse, and this is what really gets me, people who are like, "this is a christian nation!" WELL, deary, let me tell ya something.


Humans have been living in britain for over 30,000 years and have been observing the seasons, including winter, every one of those years. This country was only truly 'christian' for about 700 years max, and that was pretty recently. Lets just consider that timeline for a minute: It almost implies that humanity did not spontaneously spawn in this country at the announcement of jesus, and has, in fact, started moving on since everyone's getting over it now.

Furthermore, the formation of the United Kingdom, our current 'nation', took place in 1707- in the age of enlightenment- not in the christian dark ages. This country and its culture were never 'founded' on 'christian' values. This isn't America, not that there was even any unanimous agreement that America was ever truly founded on christian values anyway.

And finally, may I make the point that even jesus' homeland won't be celebrating his birthday, and they never have done. Is that because they're ignorant and offensive and don't care? Of course it isn't, you silly tossers. It's because they didn't let people redefine their culture.

I like to think this is all very much akin to roman britons of the 5th century, clinging to what dignity remained in their roman citizenship crying "why does nobody pray to jupiter anymore!! you worthless, uncivilised heathens! Without us and our superior culture you and your pathetic country will never amount to anything!!" But sadly I wasn't around to check that anyone actually said that.

No offense to Christians, of course (whips out "I'm agnostic, actually" card) you're more than welcome to celebrate the season how you want. I'm just not down with all this "We're a christian nation damnit, and you will sing about jesus!" gobshite, because 1) We aren't, and 2) I won't.